Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
