Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
