I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
