WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
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oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
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Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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