Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
