I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
