You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
