I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
