I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
