peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
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You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
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just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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