Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
