I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
How's work?
Spinning.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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