omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
When are your genitals available?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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