goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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