Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
