none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
