If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
