my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
