before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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