Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I fill condoms, not promises.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
