Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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