can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
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Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
