all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
