Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
