You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i drank out of a bidet.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.