At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
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It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
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I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
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