barbara walters just said penis...
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.