I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?