i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother