you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She even gives head with a lisp.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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