yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
