I think i peed on brittanys purse
She's like a pop up book from hell.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
