Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
