Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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