dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
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