i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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