either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We have started to decorate penises.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
