So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing