he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
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Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.