Texts From Last Night

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  (302): View more from Delaware

  i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.

  (1-302): View more from Delaware

  you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.

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  (302): i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace. (1-302): you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING. http://tfl.nu/vhdb
  Replies (47) Good night (851) Bad night (2465)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face

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  (630): Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face http://tfl.nu/tdg0
  Replies (28) Good night (3174) Bad night (1140)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party

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  (801): My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party http://tfl.nu/4dt1
  Replies (35) Good night (2773) Bad night (4308)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times

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  (405): Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times http://tfl.nu/skpm
  Replies (8) Good night (3234) Bad night (960)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.

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  (908): I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me. http://tfl.nu/2kto
  Replies (13) Good night (6559) Bad night (1379)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty

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  (860): Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty http://tfl.nu/6xch
  Replies (14) Good night (4571) Bad night (1245)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"

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  (845): Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person" http://tfl.nu/45pt
  Replies (3) Good night (1079) Bad night (2100)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.

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  (336): You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed. http://tfl.nu/k43u
  Replies (4) Good night (2355) Bad night (1521)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.

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  (850): We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it. http://tfl.nu/y27d
  Replies (3) Good night (838) Bad night (2992)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".

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  (647): A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe". http://tfl.nu/rgh4
  Replies (6) Good night (1415) Bad night (2133)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?

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  (425): Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy? http://tfl.nu/h26n
  Replies (10) Good night (1461) Bad night (772)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.

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  (859): No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too. http://tfl.nu/lxn7
  Replies (9) Good night (903) Bad night (547)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?

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  (412): Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf? http://tfl.nu/41qm
  Replies (15) Good night (1045) Bad night (749)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I'm drunk at 3:28

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I'm jealous as shit at 3:34

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  (913): I'm drunk at 3:28 (816): I'm jealous as shit at 3:34 http://tfl.nu/umrv
  Replies (1) Good night (1288) Bad night (426)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.

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  (586): You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas. http://tfl.nu/7o12
  Replies (7) Good night (1305) Bad night (486)

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