Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I have tasted many bathrooms
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
