idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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