you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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