Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
