Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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