Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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