With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
