Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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