it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.