Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
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