If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.