so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
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closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
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I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit