I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
If you need anything just hit me up
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.