i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Church boner. Awkwardddd
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?