My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
