The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
