Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
