i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
