I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
