The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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