Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
