Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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