how can u be prego again
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
don't judge my taste in strippers
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
