My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
