OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
