If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize