mondays should just be called national damage control day
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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