Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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