There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
well, you know. whores of a feather.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
