carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
