Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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