Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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