come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I could have mohawked her pubes.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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