you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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