we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
