I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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