I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
