Jerry, you need to find god
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
