mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
