3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
