if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
