take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
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THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
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I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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